Helpful Hints for Hopeful Hookers

Debauchette offered her advice to aspiring escorts. This was something I wrote a few years ago, when I had a different blog.  Maybe it will help hopeful hookers.  Maybe not.

Dan Savage once said that “prostitution is the new temp job”. I’d have to agree. When I worked independently, I received no more than three inquiries from eager beavers looking for a mentor. Nowadays, my high end escort pals receive at least one such letter a month, sometimes one per week (update:  it’s become a few times a week now, I hear.  This economy blows and hooking is tres chic ces jours). This is not a job for the timid or uninitiated. If you’re a broke kid with student loans up the wazoo, I’ve compiled some advice that I would have liked to have given myself a few years ago.

(1) Learn to differentiate marketing hyperbole from the real deal.

Notice that there are two kinds of hooker blogs. One is anonymous and not connected to any public persona. It’s an outlet. The other is connected to a public persona and it’s about finding new clients. You need to separate the fiction from the reality. Will you be flying on Citation jets sipping on Dom Perignon clad in only the finest La Perla and diamonds? It’s doubtful. Even for the highest high-end escort, the scenario I’ve just described is a best-case one. You’ll meet some lovely gentleman that you might date in real life, but you’re just as likely to meet a boorish, unattractive fertilizer salesman who demands that you rim his hairy, unwashed asshole. I strongly recommend that you read Compartments and the Clandestine Callgirl closely. They don’t bullshit. It’s the real deal. If you can handle what they describe, then continue. If you bristle or feel slightly nauseous, do not pass go. Do not collect one thousand dollars.

(2) Don’t quit your day job.

Or quit it, but at least maintain some kind of part-time commitment…volunteering, yoga, whatever. If you don’t have something to keep you grounded you will burn out very quickly.

(3) Get a plan. Write it down.

You can’t get to where you want to go if you don’t really know where you’re going. You need to have a goal in this industry. It could be starting a business, buying a house, whatever. What you don’t want to do is squander everything you earn on cars, shoes, handbags, or cocaine. They don’t appreciate in value. Building a wardrobe is nice, but building a future is nicer.

(4) Don’t get fucked-up.

Too many escorts self-medicate on the job with prescription drugs and alcohol. Don’t be one of them. It’s a surefire downward spiral.

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2 Responses to “Helpful Hints for Hopeful Hookers”

  1. Very sound advice. I’m also a big fan of the blog formerly known as compartments.

    Just found yours and, if this post is any indication, will thoroughly enjoy reading through it tonight.

  2. isabellablue Says:

    “you’re just as likely to meet a boorish, unattractive fertilizer salesman who demands that you rim his hairy, unwashed asshole. I strongly recommend that you read Compartments and the Clandestine Callgirl closely. They don’t bullshit. It’s the real deal. If you can handle what they describe, then continue. If you bristle or feel slightly nauseous, do not pass go. Do not collect one thousand dollars.”

    Well there you have it … This so important for those contemplating a ‘career’ move. Because if they try and fail it can be a traumatic memory. No reason to start something unless a person genuinely feels they can handle it. Otherwise, they will only end up emotionally bruised or possibly worse.

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