Helpful Hints for Hopeful Hookers

Posted in Uncategorized on August 21, 2008 by Bree

Debauchette offered her advice to aspiring escorts. This was something I wrote a few years ago, when I had a different blog.  Maybe it will help hopeful hookers.  Maybe not.

Dan Savage once said that “prostitution is the new temp job”. I’d have to agree. When I worked independently, I received no more than three inquiries from eager beavers looking for a mentor. Nowadays, my high end escort pals receive at least one such letter a month, sometimes one per week (update:  it’s become a few times a week now, I hear.  This economy blows and hooking is tres chic ces jours). This is not a job for the timid or uninitiated. If you’re a broke kid with student loans up the wazoo, I’ve compiled some advice that I would have liked to have given myself a few years ago.

(1) Learn to differentiate marketing hyperbole from the real deal.

Notice that there are two kinds of hooker blogs. One is anonymous and not connected to any public persona. It’s an outlet. The other is connected to a public persona and it’s about finding new clients. You need to separate the fiction from the reality. Will you be flying on Citation jets sipping on Dom Perignon clad in only the finest La Perla and diamonds? It’s doubtful. Even for the highest high-end escort, the scenario I’ve just described is a best-case one. You’ll meet some lovely gentleman that you might date in real life, but you’re just as likely to meet a boorish, unattractive fertilizer salesman who demands that you rim his hairy, unwashed asshole. I strongly recommend that you read Compartments and the Clandestine Callgirl closely. They don’t bullshit. It’s the real deal. If you can handle what they describe, then continue. If you bristle or feel slightly nauseous, do not pass go. Do not collect one thousand dollars.

(2) Don’t quit your day job.

Or quit it, but at least maintain some kind of part-time commitment…volunteering, yoga, whatever. If you don’t have something to keep you grounded you will burn out very quickly.

(3) Get a plan. Write it down.

You can’t get to where you want to go if you don’t really know where you’re going. You need to have a goal in this industry. It could be starting a business, buying a house, whatever. What you don’t want to do is squander everything you earn on cars, shoes, handbags, or cocaine. They don’t appreciate in value. Building a wardrobe is nice, but building a future is nicer.

(4) Don’t get fucked-up.

Too many escorts self-medicate on the job with prescription drugs and alcohol. Don’t be one of them. It’s a surefire downward spiral.

Hello, Goodbye

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on April 25, 2008 by Bree

Recently, Debauchette reprinted a comment I made on her blog a while back, and some of the traffic she’s been getting recently has made its way to me.

First of all, I want to thank some of you for the nice entreaties you’ve made for me to continue writing.   But I don’t think I can.  First, I’m not sure that I’m cut out for the blogging lifestyle.  Autobiographical blogging requires a certain solipsism to be done on a continuous basis, and I’d much rather read and write about other people.

Second, my boyfriend “found” my blog – not that I didn’t make it easy for him to do – but he’s not completely comfortable with my past and certainly not comfortable with me writing about it in the present.  I don’t want to make the rift between us even wider.

I still stand by everything I wrote, so I intend to leave the blog here for the time being.  I’d like to wish Debauchette all the best.  She’s an enormously gifted writer, and I fully expect she’ll surmount this difficult situation and go on creating a (sexy) body of work that only gets better and better over time.

We Americans are a strange people.  We buy Abercrombie and Fitch thongs designed for ten year old girls, but when adult women make adult choices about their lives, we’re up in arms, Taliban-style.  It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.

Down in The Dumps

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 16, 2008 by Bree

I need to stop reading the tabloids and disconnect the internet, because l’affaire Spitzer is making me depressed.  Really, really depressed.

Even the more measured pieces are followed by comments that are unbelievably disheartening to me.  After more than two years, it still hurts that, to so many people, we’re nothing but scum who deserve Old Testament-style punishment.  Why do they hate us so much?  I really think these are the same people who bomb abortion clinics and wear t-shirts proclaiming “God Hates Fags”.

I corresponded with a friend in Europe last night.  He said that a lot of the venom comes from jealousy, both of Eliot Spitzer’s ability to afford that kind of coin, and from Ashley Dupre’s ability to to earn it.  I think he’s probably right.  But I still don’t feel sorry for the man.

I don’t know how I feel about her.  I try to put a price tag on forever having my name, my whole being, associated with one night of my life, and I just can’t do it.  I’d like to think that the tattoo above her money-maker, tutela valu, or “fair value”,  is wry, highly self-aware commentary, and that the public will find out that they have severely underestimated her.  I hope she’s carefully considering her options, and that she gets as much money as possible out of whatever decisions she makes.  I don’t think she’s stupid, because if she is, she would have blabbed to the media already, like that Brazilian bimbo.

Now that I’ve elaborated on why I think men do it, my next entry will detail some of what motivated me to work as an escort.  Stay tuned.

Clarification

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on March 15, 2008 by Bree

In my earlier post, I said that the vast majority of my clients engaged my services because they weren’t having sex with their wives.  That’s true.  I’m not, however, placing the blame on the shoulders of the women of the world, like that cunt Dr. Laura.

I’m past the age of thirty now, but I’m still terribly immature.  I have had precious little personal experience in relationships or matters of the heart.  I’m still trying to figure it all out, so to speak.  I’ve been cheated on and rejected in favor of younger women in the past, and it’s never fun.  I’m still trying to figure out why the whole male-female dynamic leads to heartbreak most of the time, or why socially prescribed mantras like “men are dogs” or “women are built for monogamy” fail to reflect what I’ve seen amongst my peers and myself.  I just bought a book called The Female Brain, because I hope it will answer some of my lingering questions.  I’ll let you know what I find, if anything.

Why They Do It

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on March 15, 2008 by Bree

In the wake of Eliot Spitzer’s resignation, lots of people, media idiots included, are wondering why men seek out prostitutes. The simplest (and crudest) explanation is that it’s sex – it’s all about men’s biological imperative to seek out variety in sexual partners. By this line of reasoning, prostitutes represent safer alternatives to extramarital affairs, and so, they say, the big head prevails over the little one, momentarily.

When I first starting working as a prostitute, I thought much the same way. It only took about a month on the job for my perceptions to take an about-face. You see, I don’t think it’s about the sex. It’s about intimacy, of which sex plays a part, of course, but it’s hardly the whole story.

I have worked at different levels within the sex industry. First, I was available by the hour for a modest sum. After three months, when demand outstripped supply, and it became clear that I was doing something right, I near-doubled my rates, and insisted on a multiple-hour minimum, for which had enough takers to earn a commensurate amount for far less of my time. In both hooker capacities, the motivation of men who came to see me was the same: loneliness. They were trapped in marriages in which the romance had withered. It was rarely due to lack of interest on their part; many reported that their wives were simply not interested in having sex with them anymore, particularly after the arrival of hildren. Many said that their marriages felt more like business arrangements than contracts of the heart. They were unhappy, but they felt, either because the kids weren’t yet grown, or because they stood to lose 50% of their assets in the event of a divorce, that leaving wasn’t an option. Mistresses were too risky; prostitutes were much safer.

There are other motivations. Some clients are workaholics; they are married to their jobs, and haven’t the time to invest in a relationship and all of the late-night phone calls and flower deliveries modern romance requires. A much smaller percentage is socially phobic. Despite their brilliant intellectual capacity and stalwart character, these men have cripplingly low self-esteem, and don’t believe themselves to be capable of dating, in the conventional sense of the word.

The smallest percentage of all, in my experience, are players: men who are addicted to novelty, and see prostitutes because they just want to shove themselves into a brand-new warm hole. I think, out of hundreds, I can count that type on one hand. After all, if men were so driven by variety, I wouldn’t have had a 90% repeat clientele. Granted, I worked at a different end of the business than Ashley Alexandra Dupre, or any of the women that Emporers’s Club VIP employed. I am attractive, but hardly model material. I’m maybe an seven-and-a-half/eight out of a ten, on a good hair and skin day. It’s what lies between my ears that gave me a competitive edge, and yes, I know that my IQ is an anathema to a lot of men who seek out the services of prostitutes, who don’t want their whores to be literate enough to recognize who they are if they happen to be high-profile, or are intimidated by a broad with a brain. But I hardly ever met that sort of man, because once I went indie and called my own shots, I knew better how to deter him with my marketing methods, or how to sniff him out during the screening/vetting process.

What is this – like, six posts in less than twenty-four hours? Damn. I’m on roll. Amantadine, the medication I was given earlier today, is known to cause insomnia and agitation. Both of which I suffer from anyway. So…thanks, Amantadine. Um, I guess.

More Spitzenfreude.

Posted in Uncategorized on March 15, 2008 by Bree

No. 9

One complaint: it’s la toilette. Not le toilette. Get your French definite article genders straight, dammit.

The problem with legalization

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on March 14, 2008 by Bree

I Google-chatted with a close friend of mine, who is the boyfriend another close friend, a former working girl colleague. He said:

why cant they just legalize it? have the girls tested for stds, make it safe

And that’s where I cut him off. Why shouldn’t clients be tested for sexually transmitted infections? They’re often the ones, as Client 9 has shown us, that ask for condomless sex.

What most people don’t understand is that working girls (and working boys and the transgendered) have a very vested interest in protecting themselves. Infections mean lost time to treatment and recovery, lost time means no work, and no work means no money. We don’t get paid leave or two weeks vacation, you see.

It really doesn’t take a PhD in economics to work out a cost/benefit analysis of condom usage, does it?