Comments on: Clarification http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/clarification/ pros·ti·tute ˈpräs-tə-ˌtüt, -ˌtyüt : noun : a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse especially for money Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:54:13 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: TurnThePage http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/clarification/#comment-28 TurnThePage Wed, 07 May 2008 20:00:54 +0000 http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/?p=15#comment-28 Work these things out before you have kids with a man. You mention "whole male-female dynamic leads to heartbreak most of the time" which *could* suggest that you perceive that relationships with men are different than with a women....or you can only associate sex w/men w/o intimacy. My soon to be ex wife worked in the sex industry (to what degree I don't actually know except for the top level jobs) and had such issues. She was not able to be intimate with men and I confused our relationship as being the intimacy which piggy backed with the sex; to which it was not. Sex did not have the intimacy and I did not realize that til it was over. She was not wired for sex w/men to have intimacy and that led her to leave. (I hope you are different). Long story short, when crisis hit her life, she left to find that sexual intimacy which she didn't think that I *or men* could provide. If you feel that you can only be the sexual mistress (so to speak) to a man; either because of self doubts or your sexual pattern with men...that needs to be broken before starting a family. Otherwise when you get to the mid-life stage of age and or your marriage. You and your partner may find things lacking. Work these things out before you have kids with a man. You mention “whole male-female dynamic leads to heartbreak most of the time” which *could* suggest that you perceive that relationships with men are different than with a women….or you can only associate sex w/men w/o intimacy.

My soon to be ex wife worked in the sex industry (to what degree I don’t actually know except for the top level jobs) and had such issues. She was not able to be intimate with men and I confused our relationship as being the intimacy which piggy backed with the sex; to which it was not. Sex did not have the intimacy and I did not realize that til it was over. She was not wired for sex w/men to have intimacy and that led her to leave. (I hope you are different).

Long story short, when crisis hit her life, she left to find that sexual intimacy which she didn’t think that I *or men* could provide.

If you feel that you can only be the sexual mistress (so to speak) to a man; either because of self doubts or your sexual pattern with men…that needs to be broken before starting a family. Otherwise when you get to the mid-life stage of age and or your marriage. You and your partner may find things lacking.

]]> By: l'ancien http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/clarification/#comment-12 l'ancien Sat, 22 Mar 2008 01:13:09 +0000 http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/?p=15#comment-12 "Yay, comments"-- est que je suis seulement le foie hache? I'm happy but not at all surprised to see that you've begun to acquire a public, and very deservedly so-- this is a very good blog in the making. Your readership wants more. At least I do. Please? “Yay, comments”– est que je suis seulement le foie hache?

I’m happy but not at all surprised to see that you’ve begun to acquire a public, and very deservedly so– this is a very good blog in the making. Your readership wants more. At least I do. Please?

]]> By: when communication broke down « Heartbroken but monogamous http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/clarification/#comment-10 when communication broke down « Heartbroken but monogamous Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:57:43 +0000 http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/?p=15#comment-10 [...] communication broke down Bree wrote more about what drives men to visit prostitutes and escorts and defends her observations that [...] [...] communication broke down Bree wrote more about what drives men to visit prostitutes and escorts and defends her observations that [...]

]]> By: sadlymonogamous http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/clarification/#comment-9 sadlymonogamous Tue, 18 Mar 2008 06:50:41 +0000 http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/?p=15#comment-9 Bree... I don't think its necessarily a gender related issue... more personal to my own personal situation... and even then it might be that i project what i need to think into it. from my perspective she's lost interest in sex the act entirely, although initially because of its stale quality, so i surmise that i'm more likely to move on, as i want it more. i would be truly heartbroken to discover that she craved sex as much i as did, so i'm afraid to think about that scenario. i do know that i'm not far from failing her. i love her dearly, and would hate to hurt her. but depressing and insecurity accompany the dissolving of the sexual relationship (at least in my case), and i'm not sure how to hold on to my identify much longer. i simply hope i don't join the ranks of the illustrious mayor... but i don't currently know how i will. Bree…

I don’t think its necessarily a gender related issue… more personal to my own personal situation… and even then it might be that i project what i need to think into it. from my perspective she’s lost interest in sex the act entirely, although initially because of its stale quality, so i surmise that i’m more likely to move on, as i want it more. i would be truly heartbroken to discover that she craved sex as much i as did, so i’m afraid to think about that scenario.

i do know that i’m not far from failing her. i love her dearly, and would hate to hurt her. but depressing and insecurity accompany the dissolving of the sexual relationship (at least in my case), and i’m not sure how to hold on to my identify much longer. i simply hope i don’t join the ranks of the illustrious mayor… but i don’t currently know how i will.

]]> By: Bree http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/clarification/#comment-8 Bree Tue, 18 Mar 2008 03:04:32 +0000 http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/?p=15#comment-8 Yay! Comments! Welcome. Sadlymonogamous, why are you more likely to find satisfaction outside the relationship than she is? I am curious. I really don't know why our creator (whoever that may be) couldn't have made men and women if a more similar mindset. It seems cruel otherwise. People point to biology as destiny, and say that monogamy is an artificial construct of religion and society. But tell me that jealousy isn't primal. It is. Yay! Comments! Welcome.

Sadlymonogamous, why are you more likely to find satisfaction outside the relationship than she is? I am curious.

I really don’t know why our creator (whoever that may be) couldn’t have made men and women if a more similar mindset. It seems cruel otherwise. People point to biology as destiny, and say that monogamy is an artificial construct of religion and society. But tell me that jealousy isn’t primal. It is.

]]> By: sadlymonogamous http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/clarification/#comment-7 sadlymonogamous Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:48:35 +0000 http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/?p=15#comment-7 I'm working through the same now. I live in a sex-less relationship but refuse to take the bait of blaming my partner. The culpability is ours, we failed, in the heat of initial passions to fan the flames and develop a way to talk about our desires, depending on raging hormones and desire, now we are left with slowly staling passions and no vocabulary or understanding of developing a more sophisticated sex life. It's a mutual failure. It's even more sad given that, that I'm so much more likely to find by satisfaction outside of our relationship than she is, and its a temptation I fight every day. Dr. Laura is wrong, the power, control and ultimately the ability to fix the situation lies with both of us. I'm looking forward to reading more of your thoughts on this topic. I’m working through the same now. I live in a sex-less relationship but refuse to take the bait of blaming my partner. The culpability is ours, we failed, in the heat of initial passions to fan the flames and develop a way to talk about our desires, depending on raging hormones and desire, now we are left with slowly staling passions and no vocabulary or understanding of developing a more sophisticated sex life. It’s a mutual failure.

It’s even more sad given that, that I’m so much more likely to find by satisfaction outside of our relationship than she is, and its a temptation I fight every day. Dr. Laura is wrong, the power, control and ultimately the ability to fix the situation lies with both of us.

I’m looking forward to reading more of your thoughts on this topic.

]]> By: matthew http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/clarification/#comment-6 matthew Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:23:30 +0000 http://oneshadylady.wordpress.com/?p=15#comment-6 It's a great book - my girlfriend just finished reading it, and loved it, and the theoretically physiologically based reasons for the emotoional and cultural reactions that women seem to have make sense and are fascinating. By the way - I followed you here from debauchette, who, i agree with you, is scary smart and writes incredibly well. I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts. It’s a great book – my girlfriend just finished reading it, and loved it, and the theoretically physiologically based reasons for the emotoional and cultural reactions that women seem to have make sense and are fascinating. By the way – I followed you here from debauchette, who, i agree with you, is scary smart and writes incredibly well. I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts.

]]>